Thursday, May 19, 2011

I Stand at the Door

I Stand By The Door
by Sam Shemaker

I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out.
The door is the most important door in the world -
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There is no use my going way inside and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where the door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it.
So I stand by the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door - the door to God.
The most important thing that any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands
And put it on the latch - the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.

Men die outside the door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter.
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live on the other side of it -
Live there because they have not found it.

Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him.
So I stand by the door.

Go in great saints; go all the way in -
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics.
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture in a little farther,
But my place seems closer to the opening.
So I stand by the door.

There is another reason why I stand there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia
And want to get out. 'Let me out!' they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door
to tell them that they are spoiled.

For the old life they have seen too much:
One taste of God and nothing but God will do any more.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving - preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door
But would like to run away.
So for them too, I stand by the door.

I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door.
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply and stay in too long
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.

Where? Outside the door -
Thousands of them. Millions of them.
But - more important for me -
One of them, two of them, ten of them.
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stand by the door and wait
For those who seek it.

I had rather be a doorkeeper
So I stand by the door.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Truth and Consequences

Truth and Consequences

The essence of communication is intention. ~Werner Erhard

While speaking with a woman whose partner had just left their relationship to marry another woman, she asked me, “Did you know that Walter was once in jail for embezzling?” No, I hadn’t known that. “I just thought you should know the truth about him, ” she added. Her comments struck me as harsh and out of context. Reflecting on her position, I understood that she felt wounded by this man, and this was her way of retaliating or justifying her loss. But it was not truth that she was seeking to offer; it was injury.

Many a disservice has been rendered in the name of “telling the truth. ” What use is telling the truth if our intention is to cause pain? The truth, like a knife, can be used to perform life-saving surgery or to maim. It is a power that must be used with consciousness, forethought, and service.

To make a rule that we must always tell all facts, thoughts, and feeling, is to open the door to unnecessary pain. Higher than any factual truth is the truth that we are loving beings, here to support one another in healing and awakening. If someone is not ready to hear a truth, or it would hurt them emotionally or damage them socially to speak it, we must yield to service rather than a rote rule.

Before speaking truth to someone, ask yourself some important questions: What is my intention in offering this? How would I prefer to hear such a truth spoken to me? Am I truly seeking to communicate, or am I “dumping ” to relieve myself of upset or guilt? What do I want to come of this situation? How can I best serve everyone involved?

Consult your heart; it will guide you to offer truth in the highest way possible. Guide me to speak healing words, that I may be closer to my brothers and sisters.

I use the truth to heal and bring peace.

This meditation is an excerpt from Alan Cohen's meditation book, A Deep Breath of Life.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Alone At The Marina

Well, I have been saying for a couple of days now that I would write you telling of what happened on Thursday night. It seems that this was such a freak accident, that an explanation is indeed necessary. I also wrote this from the heart. I did not prep anything. I started writing and left the words on the page as they came out. With that said....

On Thursday night, 02 September, me and my 3 girls, my wife Audra and my 2 daughters Lauren (7) and Megan (5), were coming back into our marina after a nice boat ride on Candlewood Lake. It was really quite perfect, we all had a good time, and there were no complaints. We normally take 2 cars, as I usually get to the marina first to uncover and prep the boat so the family doesn't have to wait around. When we leave for the night, we load Audra's car and my 3 gals head home first and I stay behind to clean and cover/button up the boat. This night was no different and I also wanted to double my lines in case Hurricane Earl passed through as predicted.

Audra and the girls drove away and went about my business. As I walked past the bow and made my way around to the starboard side of the boat I slipped and started to fall off the dock and into the water. Not wanting to fall, I leapt a bit to make it to the finger on the starboard side of the boat. I didn't quite leap far enough and I landed on my knees...onto the starboard-side bow dock cleat. For those of you that don't know what a dock cleat is, it's an aluminum device for securing a boat line to a dock.

In case you're wondering what a dock cleat is, this is what I impaled my knee with. I do nothing halfway.

My left knee landed on the forward "horn" and impaled my knee from the inside to the outside. I saw what had happened and knew I had to get my knee off the horn, so I pulled my knee off (more like ripped it off I found out later). The pain was pretty intense and I must have blacked out for a moment, because the next thing I remember was opening my eyes and trying to breathe - I was underwater on the floor of the marina. I also remember saying to myself as I saw the blood gushing from my knee underwater, "I'll just lay here and they'll find me later. There's no way I can get to the surface like this". I felt my right (good) foot press against something hard and firm, so I pushed off and I broke the surface and extended my arms and grabbed the dock. Between the boat, dock finger and the dock, there wasn't much surface area to come through.

I pulled myself up onto the dock and saw the wound. Trauma starts to describe it, but comes no where close to finishing it. I knew I had to stop the bleeding, so I removed my fave Yoo-Hoo shirt I was wearing and tried to make a tourniquet. It wouldn't work, so I stuffed part of the shirt into the wound and contemplated my options. The marina was empty...not a soul around on a Thursday night at 6:30. My mobile phone! Crap. It was in my pocket. I wanted to call Audra first in case something happened to me - I was cold, tired and felt like I might be going into shock. I called her and got voicemail. I pulled the phone away from my ear and started to dial 911 and it was like I was in a movie. As I dialed 9-1-1, the phone screen flickered a few times and then died. It just keeps getting better I thought.

Now it was time to start screaming. I thought about the movie Alive, where the people in the plane crash ate each other to stay alive, and when they had no other option but to walk from the wreckage, the went over the first hill near them, and there was a town there the entire time. I could see people on Candlewood Isle, but no one could hear me. I screamed over and over for "Help!" and "I'm bleeding to death!", but no one came. I really was terrified of dying there. I'm playing Survivor in broad daylight and no one but me knows it. Finally the guard at the entrance to Candlewood Isle returned from where he went to and strolled over and asked if I needed help. Good thing I couldn't reach him. I gave him a quick rundown of events and he thought I might have been "one of the neighborhood kids playing another joke". Thanks kids.

He called 911 and help was on the way. As that was happening, another family on their boat pulled in and the husband got off and kept his family away. He let me borrow his phone to call Audra. She wanted to come down right away, but I begged her not to, as the kids wouldn't do well with the scene. She agreed to meet me at the ER at Danbury Hospital later on and after she found someone to watch the kids. I don't think she knew how bad it really was, because when she got to the ER and the doctor uncovered my leg, she went white and started to cry. I spent the next several hours in the ER going through irrigations, saline injections to ensure I didn't rupture my knee joint, x-ray's, etc. All of it very painful. More painful was knowing that my little girls were home, knew their daddy was hurt badly, they couldn't be with him, and they cried themselves to sleep. They sent me home with some sort of pain medication that was either for show or they were mixed up with ice cream sprinkles. Maybe the pain was just too great. I took most of them in the first 3 hours and they had no effect. I spent most of the night/morning in bed after the ER just simply crying.

I saw the Ortho surgeon the next morning and got very strong antibiotics and some better pain meds with which Audra helped me monitor my intake. After he saw me for 10minutes, he called and had an OR prepped. Surgery was Friday afternoon and they opened the wound some more to take a look. They repaired some tendons and cleaned it out again with 6 liters of saline. I went from an 80% change of infection before the surgery to a 50% chance of infection after the surgery. If it does become infected, there will be another surgery. I go back for a follow up Wednesday, 08 September at PM to find out how I'm doing.

I can't express enough my gratitude for all the friends in my life who have shown their concern. Moreover, the friends in my life who just did without asking. They just showed up and helped without knowing what needed to be done. I'm amazed that my God has given us, and deemed me and my family worthy enough, to have such friends in our life today. I know what I can attribute that to, and I thank my God again that he has put that into my life.

It is what it is and I can sit here and feel sorry for myself, or I can accept what has happened and move on. I have heard some sit around and look at their bad luck and say, "Why me?" All I can say is, "Why not me?" What makes me so special that I should be exempt from bad luck or life's difficulties? I know that I have had my share of bad luck and life's difficulties in the last 4 1/2 years, but that's what life has given me. It can't be changed. It can't be altered. All that's left to do is accept, learn, help someone else along the way, and move on.

I'm not perfect by any stretch of the means. I have other problems, relationship problems with others and within my family, and I don't always handle every situation correctly. I do try though. And each time I try, I try to do better than the last time. I cannot control the actions, attitudes and behaviors of others, only those of myself. Whether they have done right or wrong is beyond my control. I see that today. After passing death by for a second time since 06 May 2006, all I am left with is prayer and hopes that these relationships will mend one day before it's too late. One day, it will be too late.

I know I am grateful for today - that's all I am guaranteed and no man is promised tomorrow. I can say with peace of mind and serenity that I will close my eyes and sleep tonight knowing that I have the love and trust of my family because of the way I am able to live today. And if it is to be, I will wake tomorrow, open my eyes, and say the same thing to myself that I have been saying for the last 1582 days. "God, thank you for blessing me with this day, I will not waste it, I will try and be useful to others, to live right, and to better do your will."

Shine On!

Ron

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Disney Magic Cruise 2009

In January we decided at the last minute to book a Disney Cruise for the family. Better yet, the WHOLE family! So we asked everyone and the takers were the Connecticut Quinns, Ron's mom and her husband Jerry, and Audra's mom Judy and her stepdad, Skip. We sailed for 7 glorious days in the Eastern Caribbean, and visited St. Croix, St. Thomas and Disney's own private out island, Castaway Cay. Disney knows how to throw a party and it was first class the entire way. Lauren and Megan had the absolute time of their lives and have a lifetime of memories to bring home with them. Ron was an Assistant Cruise Director on Premiere's Big Red Boats, and to be a passenger on this ship was an enlightening and uplifting experience. We loved it so much, that we are more than likely going to book again next year, and definitely want to sail on one of the new ships they are starting to build this month in 2011. We have over 900 pictures and over 10 hours of video, all of which we cannot possibly share here. But, you can click here to see a small sampling of pictures from the trip. Enjoy!

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Annual Father-Daughter Dance

In November 2007, the girls pre-school, St. Gregory's, started their annual Father-Daughter Dance.
Daddy took Lauren last year with a Hawaiian Theme (complete with hula instructions), and this year was formal night for Daddy and Megan. It's all about creating great memories!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Lauren & Megan On The "Polar Express"!

We made our annual trip to Essex and rode the "Polar Express" and rode in the Palor Car this past weekend. We had hot chocolate, cookies, Christmas sing-a-long's, games and were paid a visit by Santa and Mrs. Claus after we picked them up at the North Pole. It was an absolute blast and Lauren and Megan had the time of their lives!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

The CT Quinn Family Has A New Addition

This is Ron Jr. and my dad LOVED to ride his '66 Sohvelhead / Hydra Glide, so in the ultimate tribute I really want to ride like my dad did. I went out and bought an '06 Softail Custom Night Train. The license plate will read "POPS" and I am thinking of airbrushing his name, birth year, and death year on the tank. I look forward to riding in the hills of Connecticut... thinking of my dad... connecting with my dad... and remebering the love my dad had for his family and the the way he felt on his Harley. My little brother Ryan wanted my dad's bike, so once he sends me some pictures of him on the bike I will post them here.
WE LOVE YOU POPS!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Ronald Anthony Quinn, Sr. ~ A Celebration Of Life (1942 - 2008)

Your grandchildren are blessed to have gotten to know and love you, even if it was a brief meeting.

We will miss you and love you forever! Thank you for being part of our lives and for all the smiles and memories, and please watch over Ric and Trevor for us.

WE LOVE YOU DAD ("POPS")!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Happy Birthday Lauren & Megan!

Lauren and Megan celebrated their 5th and 3rd birthdays together yesterday (Sunday, 04 May). Their wish was for a Princess Tea party with all of their friends, and their wish came true. They each bought a new Princess dress from the Disney Store with some of their birthday money for the occassion which made it a 2-day event. They laughed, they played, they got all dressed up, they played some more, and they slept... hard. We love you little Princesses... Love, Mommy & Daddy.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Easter (April 2007)

It's Easter time, and it's time for a trip in the (not-so) Way Back Machine. Here is Lauren & Megan celebrating Easter in Connecticut... from waking up and getting their baskets from the Easter Bunny, to egg coloring, to the chilly Easter Egg Hunt.
Posted by Picasa

Lauren & Megan The Dancing Cats

Here is Lauren & Megan dancing in their kitty Halloween costumes in October 2007. They loved their costums and had to take them for a "spin" around the family room. This is mobile phone video... so no complaints regarding the quality. :-)

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Ron, Audra, Lauren & Megan

Here is Ron, Audra, Lauren & Megan in Milford, CT just off Thompson Hill Road (where Ron's grandparents lived) on the Long Island Sound in October 2007.